Pan...

Here I am at the end of another day.  I didn't accomplish much; didn't intend to anyway.  All is good, I suppose.  I've been watching a lot of television lately.  I'm going through one of my moods again and the old tube helps me out.  Been noticing a lot of those stupid PC V. Mac commercials.  I'm so sick of the damn things.  Oh, I'm cool because I'm not wearing a tie and have long hair.  I'm Mac, blah, blah, blah.  Vista is messing PC up--blah, blah, blah.  Shut up!  How much money do people need to make in a lifetime anyway?  I'm not that charitable of a person, but with all of these freaking natural disasters going around I'm sure that somebody, somewhere could use that money.  It's like Coke, man.  I mean, who on Earth hasn't heard of Coca-Cola?  Honest to God, there's never been a time when I was sitting at home and had been influenced by one of those advertisements.  Not once.  Man, that Cola commercial makes me wanna go out and by a Coke right now.  Nahh, it's not that easy to influence me.  Maybe it's getting to the point where people just want to hear themselves.  The most ridiculous commercial is the Coke V. COke Zero.  It's like, shut up!  You're all guilty.  I don't find the humor in them.  I just don't.  Makes me feel that the big ole' companies are treating the consumer like a big, fat idiot.  Usually, if a product is good you'll make you're way there. 

Honestly, I don't care about those things though.  It doesn't matter to me.  The rich will always get richer; the poor will always die sooner, I guess.  Been thinking a lot about life.  I guess when you're an unemployed loser like myself that's what you do.  Been doing a whole lot of reflecting and soul searching.  I haven't been able to find myself lately.  I think I'm buried inside of myself somewhere.  Don't know.  Haven't showered in three days.  It's getting to the point where it's hard to care.  My favorite move is Hook.  That's right, the much maligned Speilberg production.  In case you don't know, Peter Pan grows up and makes his way back to Neverland.  The Lost Boys don't recognize him because he's gotten much older and fatter.  After trying to convince them that he actually is Peter Pan, the boys leave him alone.  THey don't believe him.  Why should they?  Their buddy has gone off to pursue other things; he's gone off to get married, have kids, and become a ...grown up.  After feeling that he had failed, he gets to his knees and pleads for help.  One of the Lost Boys goes over to him and starts feeling around the old Pan's face.  Finally, this Lost Boy sees the young boy-- that he once knew-- in this much older man's smile.  There it was, you know?  That part of him that time couldn't take away.  And you see, that's what I'm looking for in myself.  Where am I?  Will I recover?  Is there a hidden smile somewhere on this darkened visage?  I don't know, but I like the use of visage there.

Anyway, Peace.